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行きたいよ 君のところへ 今すぐ かけだして 行きたいよ まっ暗で何も 見えない 怖くても大丈夫 数えきれない星空が 今もずっと ここにあるんだよ
RN

a post about Yesung and (lately..)

Okay so… we all know very well this isn’t the first time yesung hurt his back and couldn’t get up again. The last time this happened (that we know of) was last year’s dream team recording. And he did the same thing he did today: he got back up with help and kept recording, and when the show aired, it looked like nothing happened. 

Well, sort of. Because this was him before he fell:

and this is after.

Yeah, he didn’t look okay to me either. 

Technically speaking, his posture is always kind of awful. when he sits up it’s only because he has to remember to sit up:

And during concerts and performances, even jokingly, he sometimes holds his back or does stunts and then acts like his back was hurt when he did them

Plue him falling off a 1.5m stage a few years ago can’t have been good for him. And then there was October tenth of last year when he slipped on the stage and it took him a while to get back to performing, even so that Shindong began walking towards him to see what was wrong. 

So the fact that he has a problem today, still, with his back.. it just seems to me that he isn’t taking care of himself.

We know from back when he was a sukira DJ he said he doesn’t sleep a lot. He goes to sleep very late and only for a few hours. Then, we know that he goes to the gym very often and considers it one of his hobbies. And i guess now he confirmed he’s been hardcore dieting for a really long time.

He said on Sukira yesterday that he’s 58-60kg, and that means about 127.87-132.28 lbs. Then the members jokingly talked about wanting him to lose more weight.. And i think, even though the mood was light, that means they really don’t approve of him losing so much weight that way. 

Yesung has always has problems with his self esteem and I think the reason for him dieting so long is that he has always cared a lot for his appearance, and I think when he says he’s been dieting for seven years, it means that since he’s been in SM he’s watched what he eats… and then only started a really unhealthy diet plan (and I have my own ideas what that diet plan is) since about the time of Bonamana promotions. He had lost a ton of weight to go from

to

Even from sjh days to sorry sorry his weight didn’t change as much as it did between 2009 and 2010. And the fact that he gained many fans after that change, i think he probably got the bad idea that being thinner can only make him more good looking, and that losing weight is a good thing. Add that to the fact that he was nitpicked on very much for his appearance and proportions during the first two or three years of sj and he probably.. really really doesn’t want to gain any weight back any time soon. 

He always says that he isn’t the handsome member in sj. From when he was immortal song, he said “I’m not that good looking”. He was joking with the judges and Changmin, but I think it still shows a lot about what he thinks of himself every time he says something like that. 

And about today and his back… Yesung is very hard-headed. If he can’t do something well, he gets frustrated and disappointed with himself. He’s become a lot more calm now that he’s older, but he still openly shows disappointment when he isn’t able to do something (referring to him punching the ground when he couldn’t get up). The fact that he was so upset instead of worried about himself means that… this is something he’s had to deal with, and he probably is angry that it happened in front of fans (again) and that it shows any kind of health problems he is having. 

I don’t think the diet and his back problem are related except that his diet just makes him really unhealthy and he’s probably lost muscle mass, since although according to him he goes to the gym often, he doesn’t look like he even has any fat left to lose and hasn’t for a while. His arms have gotten so much thinner

2010:

2012:

(ya ikik sweaty oppa)

I don’t rly know what my point with all this is… I guess it’s just that Yesung has had problems with his weight and his back for a long time, and though I was worried about his skinniness before, the fact that he finally gave us a number for what his weight it does really worry me even more. Because it cannot be healthy, and knowing him, he probably doesn’t think it’s bad if he mentioned it not only on sukira, but in the interview he did for star1 mag. The fact that he isn’t one of the short members but is the one who weighs the least is alarming in itself..

Honestly i know we are all worried sick, but I don’t think freaking out about this and saying things like he has an eating disorder is going to be helpful to him. Especially since he’s a nearly twenty-eight year old man and should be able to take care of himself.

I just think that he doesn’t realize he’s perfect the way he is.

All we can really do is try our best to show our love and support for him, and cheer him on on his bad days, and say encouraging things about him so that he doesn’t feel the need to be frustrated with himself. On top of all the stress he has doing 6jib promotions and the fact that he will be eldest when Teukie goes to the army, I don’t think he needs to be stressed about what his fans think of him..

I really just wish he would be happy. I want him to be proud of himself and not feel like he has to push himself to pain in order to fulfill his idol duties. And i wish he’d be able to see the Jongwoon we all see, who doesn’t need to diet and doesn’t need to compare himself to anyone else. I don’t know what could possibly make him realize that, but I hope it happens soon. It hurts to know he’s hurting.


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